Thinking about the Past

I think I am almost done with my yule shopping...I just have a few more things to pick up and wrap. Kit and me went out for lunch and then we each went our own ways to continue buying gifts. I wish we lived in a world where we had more time in order to create our own gifts, and handcraft things...or even just have more time together. Working in retail doesnt leave a whole lot of time (or energy) for us in our personal lives...and it certainly doesnt pay much in return for the demands they make on us and our lives. Hopefully I will be able to find something better someday, perhaps in the new year.

I hardly ever talk about my mother, she passed away in 2003...but I think about her all the time. We were very close, and especially at times of the year like this, I find myself thinking about all the holidays we had together, when I was little, and when she was getting older...it makes me so sad sometimes because I miss her. I miss my father too. I suppose I never really talk about it because I dont want to depress people around me or have them give me sympathy. I am grateful for the time we had together though, and we did such wonderful things together for so many many years...Im glad I took the time to spend with her and be close with her while she was here.

I also miss my first familiar, Baby...she was such an awesome and beautiful soul...and we loved each other so much. Its rare that I focus on the past like this...but sometimes at the holidays I cant seem to help it. Baby used to hop up on my shoulders and stay there for hours and kiss my face. She was so sweet.

So here's how I approach things like this...I appreciate the time we had together with those who have crossed over...and I try to make the most of the time that I have with those who are still with me, those I love...which are really very few. Kit is the most important person in the world to me and I love him with all my heart. And our Bu, our familiar, is so wonderful. I am really very blessed...and Kit's parents are so great and have accepted me and really love me...which isnt always the case when you are gay and with someone...often their family doesnt like you because they blame you...which is ridiculous.

Anyway...on with the holiday season...and I hope this one is the best one ever for all of us.

Blessed Be,
Alex )O(